Pro Wrestling, Explosive Pro Wrestling
In this unprecedented time, we’ve been left with the arduous task of staying home to keep everyone safe. That sounds flippant, but some days have been tougher than others. Australia as a whole has been doing the right thing, and I think I can speak for EPW and all of Australian wrestling to say that we can’t wait to be out there live and in living colour again for all the great fans. So stay home, stay safe and let’s get through this tunnel.
So in the meantime, what are we doing? Well, chewing through home data plans like Kobayashi with a table full of hot dogs. My poison for the first part has been a loyal employee of Universal Exports – A Man Called Bond. He does this, he does that, and has been doing so for over 50 years. So it got me thinking as to what Bond characters and villains shared some traits with our EPW roster. Let’s ponder together, shall we?
Marcius Pitt as Goldfinger
Really it’s in the name. Pitt is obsessed with gold. A 5-Time EPW Champion, the former EPW Coastal and Tag Champion. If it’s the symbol of gold, Pitt wants it and usually gets it. Whilst Goldfinger may not have been successful in his siege on Fort Knox, Pitt was successful in his heist to steal the Coastal Championship from Scotty Ryan until Davis Storm derailed that reign at Going For Broke.
Edith Night as Natalya Simonova
Natalya is the ally we all saved on the Nintendo 64 before all you youngsters got obsessed with farming turnips. Natalya is no damsel in distress, she’s a programming machine and ironically more invincible than her former comrades. Edith Night is a genuine ass kicker with a bright future ahead of her, despite Casey Johns leaving her scrambling to collect herself as if Severnaya had just gone up in flames again. I’d be lying too if I said that the insinuation of her abilities with a computer don’t have me more concerned than of Natalya’s abilities…or a tracing app.
Richter as Jaws
Possibly the most famous and well loved Bond villain, Jaws and Richter share the same disdain for dialogue as they let their actions do their talking. Big, imposing men who seem indestructible against all that their opponents throw at them. What we didn’t fully discover until later in their respective careers was their loyalty. And as Jaws showed when he turned his back on evil in the second best ever Bond movie, Richter has shown by having the back of his ally Davis Storm in his recent battles against those dastardly Untouchables.
Amber as Moneypenny (Daniel Craig Era)
Moneypenny has come a long way but there has been a constant amongst her character – strength, conviction and the willingness to do whatever it takes to see her man succeed in his mission. That is definitely the modus operandi of Amber. No matter what support is required, Amber will interject herself into the proceedings. She may have a Skyfall momwnt or two and miss her shot, but the odds are generally found to fall in her favour.
Tyler Jacobs as Gustav Graves
I’m not at all implying that Jacobs is a North Korean military general but he The Light Chaser has been known to wear many faces during his illustrious career. “Sir” Gustav Graves was universally lauded for his accomplishments but a sinister, manipulative side lay below his icy cold exterior. Sounds familiar? And Icarus? Literally a satellite that attacked you with light. Father Jacobs is ready to start a war, he just needs to stop the numbers of his children from dwindling.
Damian Slater as Blofeld
Whatever the version, Blofeld is the head of Spectre and can be seen as a puppet master of sorts. A strategist and genius in battle, he probably would be ruling the world if it weren’t for Bond. Slater and The Untouchables are an organisation filled with elite talent but as of right now, they’re not holding any gold. Like Blofeld, Slater will sometimes see his best laid plans blow up in his face. Blow up may have been the wrong term, perhaps “smash him in the face” if we specifically want to talk about Julian Ward, the man with the golden kendo stick, at Going For Broke. Defeated at this juncture, you can bet that The World Beater (even that sounds villainous) will recoup and come back with a bigger and more vile plan to reassert The Untouchables’ dominance in EPW.
After all this, who would play the titular character? The answer is clear. Cano, Del Cano.
Del Cano as James Bond
Lower those eyebrows! And the other one! Have you seen this man in a suit on our EPW Pre Shows?
The only question is, which face of Bond is hiding underneath that mask? It could be said that for the first part of his EPW career it was that of the wacky, light hearted and somewhat cheesy Roger Moore. Perhaps even Peter Sellers? Now, there’s a grit and a determination about Del Cano to show EPW what he can do inside the squared circle. He stood up to Jay Taylor for the younger brigade, the students of EPW’s school with a sence of justice and vengeance evidenced by the best face of James Bond…Timothy Dalton. The sky’s the limit and Del Cano is poised with a view to a kill – lets hope that when we’re back in action his new upward trajectory is not criminally cut short after two feature matches.
So there it is, one streaming service has been hammered by yours truly in this time as I’ve gone from Dr. No to Spectre. The Bond world is not enough, so I’ll be digging into some more EPW From the Vault on Vimeo – which is definitely something you can do too. Like most of the 007 catalogue, the EPW classics hold up so check them out today at EPW VIMEO
Article by Eric Mack.