Explosive Pro Wrestling C.C.
by Eric Mack
It’s been a tough old year for Australian Cricket. After the events of The-Test-That-Must-Not-Be-Named, the Australian Cricket Team’s skill gaps have been more exposed than the Emperor wearing his new clothes. To the contrary, EPW has grown from strength to strength, capping off the year with ReAwakening and a Ladder Match that is still the talk of the town. Often imitated, never duplicated, EPW has a good run of form going, and it’s time to sprinkle some of the magic and loan some of our talents to the Aussies for the Summer of Cricket.
So who in the EPW locker room would earn the highly coveted and totally not made up Baggy Blue for the EPW Cricket Club?
1 – Gavin McGavin
Batter – Plays like Justin Langer
At the top of the order is our EPW Champion, ‘The Real Wrestler’ Gavin McGavin. A nuggety opener, hisbrash personality can put people off but there is no doubting his ability and toughness. After his playing career was over, Justin Langer moved into coaching roles and currently holds the Australian Men’s Senior Coach role. Given McGavin’s technical ability inside the ropes, as well as his ability to communicate (positively or negatively), means a transition into full-time coaching way down the line seems like the natural progression.
2 – Kiel Steria
Wicket Keeper Batsman – Plays like Adam Gilchrist
Our other opener is Kiel Steria. All batting is done in partnerships, and none more so than the opening pair. Steria has shown current form (which unlike the Aussie selectors, we’ll reward) in tag team competition when he became the No. 1 Contender to the EPW Tag Team Championship at ReAwakening 17. His agility has made him light on his feet – perfect for wicket keeping – and his strength lends itself to the
Gilly school of power-hitting. Referees will need to keep an eye out for the loaded squash ball…
3 – “The Don” Michael Morleone (Captain)
Batter – Plays like Steve Smith
The Captain. Like our beloved Smithy, he has had to deal with turmoil from within his ranks and questions over his leadership. Before the controversy, “Our Don Morleone” was riding high as the very best in EPW and had the Championship to prove it. The No. 3 position is considered by some as the most important in a cricket side, so it gives Morleone a chance to lead from the front and this team to victory. Much like Smithy has handled the exit of Dave Warner from the Australian Cricket Team, we see Don handling Zenith’s treacherous actions with class and dignity… however, with a bit more vengeance thanks to a No Disqualification Match at Hot Summer’s Night against “The Free Spirit”.
4 – Tipene
Batter – Plays like Brendon McCullum
Impact. Brendon McCullum is a Kiwi Batsman who makes an impact with brute force. Sounds familiar? Tipene burst onto the EPW scene with a great show of strength as he has gone toe-to-toe with the very best. His impact was rewarded by becoming the 2018 EPW Rookie of the Year. If he continues this progression, his career is set to soar higher than a Brendon McCullum maximum.
5 – Jonathan Wimbledon
Batter – Plays like Paul Collingwood
Jonathan Wimbledon sneaks up on you as to how good he really is. The wily veteran does the little things that may go unnoticed, but when you accumulate all of them, make him into the troublesome competitor that he is. If we were to compare the wrestling ability of Wimbledon to the cricketing ability of Collingwood, Wimbledon has the former English Captain pipped. The accumulation of damage is the commonality between the two, although one is an MBE and one isn’t; though we think they have that the wrong way around.
6 – Jack Edwards
Batter – Plays like Glenn Maxwell
WRITER’S DISCLAIMER: Glenn Maxwell is my favourite cricketer in the world right now. It doesn’t take a Sporthead to see the excitement he brings and the talent he has.
However… for all the talent and excitement that Maxi brings, he is susceptible to the odd brain-fade. Jack Edwards is a guy with oodles (yes, oodles!) of charisma and ability. When Jack Edwards is the arena, it is must-see because you never know what you’re going to get. Shunned from EPW Awards season like “Maxi” has been from the Test team, it’ll be interesting to see if a chip begins to form on the shoulder of the Taylor King Taskforce hype man heading into 2019.
7 – Damian Slater
All-Rounder – Plays like Ashton Agar
The “World Beater” has many strings to his bow. Whether it’s a technical joust, kamikaze ladder matches or anything in between, Slater has the skill-set to adjust to any environment or competition. This makes him the perfect all-rounder for our side. Ashton Agar is a cricketer with many strings to his bow with world-class experience, however, has missed Australian selection for the last couple of series. And much like Slater who lost his Tag Team Championships, he will be looking to regain his form and winning ways.
8 – Julian Ward
Spin Bowler – Plays like Shane Warne
Allow us to channel our inner Mark LeCras and set the scene here. The year is 1992 and a surfer looking 22-year-old kid is belted to all corners of the Sydney Cricket Ground by a rampaging Indian batting order. The kid only picks up one wicket but perseveres. That kid was Shane Warne, and I think you know what happened next. Fast forward to 2014 and a surfer looking kid makes his debut inside the squared circle. Despite some family matters and lumps, the kid perseveres. That kid was Julian Ward, and much like Shane Warne, you can tell there is something special there. Despite not getting the victory against Gavin McGavin in the Last Man Standing and Jonah Rock at ReAwakening 17, we’re confident that his breakthrough is not that far away at all.
9 – Marcius Pitt
Pace Bowler – Plays like Pat Cummins
The young tearaway quick bowler exploded onto the scene when he was still a teenager with a burst of fast and vicious accuracy, to take six wickets on debut. Marcius Pitt also burst onto the scene of EPW leaving behind a golden trail of accomplishments. Not just content to rely on his strength, Pitt has developed into an all-around elite talent. With bat or bowl, Marcius Pitt will derail many an opposition.
10 – Craven
Pace Bowler – Plays like Nathan Coulter-Nile
Vastly experienced, “The Australian Sensation” has been around the globe. He emerged on the scene at EPW during 2018 as he entered the Invitational Tournament. Through his travels, he has picked up the tools of the trade, and like Nathan Coulter-Nile, has an opportunity to show it on the premium stage of Perth pro wrestling. NCN is a handy inclusion to any team, as is Craven, and it’ll be interesting to see what 2019 holds for him in EPW.
11 – Scotty Ryan
Pace Bowler – Plays like DK Lillee
Scotty Ryan never gives anything but his 100%. No matter the odds, he’ll be powering at full force to get the team over the line. The EPW Coastal Champion, much like the great DK Lillee, continues to evolve his game. The team needs a workhorse paceman and “The Big Rig” fits the bill. Whether it’s with or in .the Fremantle Dockers, Scotty is never shy to take a backwards step and will lead the attack from the front.
The EPW School of Professional Wrestling has been blessed to have some of the finest minds and coaches in all of Australian wrestling. If you’re wanting to learn the craft, there really is no better place. However, cricket games are not won within a wrestling ring. So we’ll reach out to Coach Banks to guide our XI. He has been a leader within Team Red Can and if you keep an eye out, you’ll see Coach doing some amazing things across the sporting landscape here in Western Australia.
There is our EPW Cricket Club XI. There’s not much better than a Hot Summer’s Day in Australia watching the cricket with a cold refreshing adult beverage. However, a Hot Summer’s Night could also do just the trick. Saturday, February 2nd at EPW’s Gate One home in Claremont. We were at capacity for ReAwakening 17 so keep an eye out for all ticketing information to ensure you do not miss the rush that you can only experience witnessing EPW’s action live and in person.