Reality TV. It’s everywhere. Has been for over a decade. Whether it’s finding true love in a booze-filled rose festival, cooking a three-course meal for judges whose physiques belie their supposed pickiness, or singing competitions won by computers… it’s impossible to escape.
Reality-based entertainment doesn’t get any better than two men locked inside a steel cage fighting for a championship like we will see when Gavin McGavin challenges “The Don” Michael Morleone at EPW Vendetta. Whilst it will be fascinating to see who comes out on top, one can’t help but wonder what it would like if our EPW crew tried their hands at some reality TV outside of the squared circle.
MasterChef – Nacho Friends
Far be it for stones to be cast from inside this glass house, but it’s very easy to question the supposed fussiness of these judges given their physiques. Forget the grilled fennel. Forget the seared trout. What MasterChef needs is the Nacho Friends producing some of their signature dishes. Corn Chips, Corn Chips with a Layer of Cheese, Corn Chips with Salsa, Corn Chips with a Layer of Corn Chips – All the greatest hits. One thing is for sure, whilst Nacho Friends are entertaining and appear to be unassuming, write them off at your own peril. Whether it’s in the kitchen or inside the squared circle, Nacho Friends are destined for big things.
Survivor – Billy Williams
Billy Williams is not here to play. He is outwitting many in the EPW locker room. He is forming alliances with unlikely people and these skills would translate to life on the island very well. If Billy Williams can mould two of the most unstable minds in Bobby Marshall and Azazal, just imagine the mind putty that the New Demigod of EPW can engage in to win the $1,000,000. Brandishing “The Godfather” Davis Storm’s vest as his own sort of Immunity Idol and flanked by THEM, Billy Williams looks set to outlast all that come before him.
Australia’s Next Top Model – Gorgeous Garry
Gorgeous Garry calls himself “The Nonstop Catwalk Show”. Whatever he does, it is with style. It’s with flair. Though we don’t see him selling makeup anytime soon, we do see him working the runway with his unique style. Garry leaves an impression wherever he goes, so he will be looking to advance in the Invitational Tournament and make his way to the very end, lifting his latest new accessory; the EPW Invitational Trophy. Then where to next? Milan, perhaps?
The Amazing Race – The Headhunters
Since Jarrad Slate did a U-Turn and joined The Headhunters, they have been undefeated. And despite a detour where they were left off the card, The Headhunters came back with a bang at Hell or Highwater to defeat the Street Gang Hooligans. They did this by being on the same page and adapting to unique environments outside the ring. This ability to adapt and overcome would serve the trio well in the Race. The biggest issue they’ll have is getting three down to two unless one of them can pose as the ninja camera operator that gets crammed into a foreign taxi.
Big Brother – Hughesy
This one is a bit of a blast from years gone by. Hughesy is the man from the down the local who captured the imagination of the EPW fans with his never scared attitude and his affinity for a pint. Regardless of the environment, Hughesy would not only fit in but become the life of the show. With his popularity, Hughesy would take over the Big Brother house and would no doubt garner the votes from the Australian public to win the whole show. Or at least get an Up Late Game Show spin-off.
The Bachelorette – Jay Taylor
Jay Taylor is looking for love. At least, there must be a reason for lingering stares toward Ring Belle Mel on every entrance. Maybe there are some mixed emotions lingering about? This could explain the quarrels between his on again/off again tag team partner, AZ Vegara. In the mansion, Jay Taylor would not be lacking confidence. With his in your face personality and bold approach, Taylor could steal hearts and acquire the final rose required for true love. And after Vendetta, he may just have the Coastal Championship to woo the bachelorette with.
The Block – Street Gang Hooligans
Teams of two come up with creative ways to solve problems using household items and open areas. Sounds familiar. The Street Gang Hooligans are masters of finding unique ways to use the environment to put on artistic displays. If Logan Grey and Alex Kingston can put their energy toward construction rather than deconstruction, the highest bids at the auction will surely come. Whilst their renovation stock rises, a loss against The Headhunters at Hell or Highwater caused a slight dip in their wrestling stock. They will be looking to get back on track and back to their gravity-defying exploits where they’ll be flying higher than the cost of housing in Perth during the mid-2000’s.
At Vendetta, we’ll see these wrestlers in their natural environment. Battling not for television ratings, but for supremacy in the ring. Make sure that you’re at Bodyslam Central to see what the next episode of this ultimate reality show entails.
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