“Quality. ‘nuff said.”
These were the final words epwperth.com used to describe the tag match I’m about to witness.
“Quality.” For a small word, folks, that’s a mighty big statement.
Alright then, boys, show me what you’ve got.
There’s been a lot of hype around this match so I was pretty excited to see what 4 of the best wrestlers in Perth can deliver.
The effect these guys have on the crowd is immediate. Just from their entrances, you can tell they know their stuff. Alex ‘AK47’ Kingston and Logan Grey (The Street Gang Hooligans) walk out wearing their own merch shirts (a standard shill in pro wrestling), while Marcius Pitt (one half of The Untouchables) rocked some interesting (if not disconcerting) merch of his own– a rather impressive drawing of Alex Kingston, hovering above the word “Die” as caption.
And for the record, if Logan Grey isn’t the coolest looking wrestler in Australia, I honestly don’t know who is.
Within 30 seconds, we have already seen a flip, a moonsault to the floor, and Kingston break out his skateboard… Look, I’m not going to lie here. I hate skateboards. But I would also be a dishonest man if I didn’t admit to loving a good skateboard dropkick. And that one? That was awesome.
A couple of G9’s later and the bell has finally rung.
Yes, all that and the match hasn’t even started.
As they said, “quality”.
It doesn’t take long for Pitt and Slater to take control of the match, laying a beat-down on Kingston. By the way, it’s a shock to absolutely no one in the building that the two of them have gotten themselves into what can only be described as WORLD CLASS shape for this match.
I blinked and missed a top rope double foot stomp, and then Logan Grey got head spiked on the apron somehow.
This match is already seriously intense, and it’s only 3 minutes in.
Grey was beginning to show some signs of life before Slater hits his trademark leg-catchy neck breaker thing, except with the use of an actual tag team partner instead of the ref for a change. You *could* say his offense is designed for tag team wrestling. …Or not. That’s fine. But know you’re wrong.
Uh, excuse me– Pitt just hit his powerslam and now I can’t help but stare in awe at its beauty. That is one of cleanest, sweetest, most poetic things you will ever witness in a wrestling ring. It does things to me. It makes me feel things both strange and confusing… shit, wrong blog. Sorry.
Slater is now riding Pitt like a horse because #wrestling. Everyone is smiling except for those two in the ring because they just flattened themselves in a corner. One backflip later and Grey gets lariated into next week. It’s not as poetic as the powerslam, though still a work of art all the same. But like, more grunge art or something equally as horrible that knocks years of your life by bearing witness to it.
Grey springboard double stomps Slater right in his stupid face (which was delightful), and now Kingston is whooping some serious ass. I like him so much more when he doesn’t have a skateboard with him (not biased).
Botts!! Big DDT onto Pitt followed up by a snap dragon suplex to Slater! Kingston is up and about!
The match has become a bit of a slugfest with all 4 guys laying into each other. Big knee by Kingston and I think we’ve seen a match worth’s of highlights already.
Oh, wait. How wrong I am.
Shooting star back senton… while Kingston was holding Slater’s legs in the second rope. Or something. My brain isn’t quite able to process what was just one of the coolest things I’ve ever seen.
I’m okay if nothing else happens in this match. My mind is already completely blown.
Slater somehow reverses out of that flippy tag move thing the Hooligans do, which leads to Kingston getting nailed with a snap German suplex by Pitt. There’s a tight near fall and everyone finally takes a breath.
The Untouchables line up Kingston for some tag move, and I’m not surprised to see another flip. Which is good because it’s been almost 15 seconds since the last one and I was starting to think they’d forgotten how.
A few quick knees by Kingston leads to him getting F5’d. Unlucky kid…
And here comes Logan Grey from the roof with another top rope double stomp to break up the pin, because just running in and breaking up the pinfall is not spectacular or painful enough for these guys.
I’m sore, tired and out of breath just watching this insanity.
Pitt is definitely also out of breath after a series of stiff kicks from Grey. Literally, he just assaulted him mercilessly. Fortunately (for Pitt), Slater just broke up the pinfall which somehow leads directly to Pitt’s ridiculous deadlift German suplex from over the top rope, and that should be enough to keep someone down.
“Quality”, they said. I raise them one and say “stupid”. This whole match is insanely ridiculously beautifully stupid in the best possible way I could’ve ever imagined.
And oh good, everyone is on the top rope.
Well, now it’s just the Hooligans on the top rope while Slater and Kingston hang upside down…
DOUBLE DOUBLE FACE STOMP!
AND double double dropkicks across the ring! Concussions for everyone!!!
The Hooligans hit their flippity neckity back breaker slammy bumpy thing (The Iron Lotus) and that’s all she wrote.
…Or is it?
No, of course it’s not.
Floor bump! Delightful.
Low blow by Pitt followed by a roll-up?!? GTFO…
Thankfully, Grey kicks out but I’m still questioning how any of these guys are alive, moving and/or breathing at this point.
It’s just Pitt and Grey in the ring now. Grey looks like he’s pretty much done, Pitt lines him up for that brutal deadlift German…
…Aaaaaaaaand Grey reverses it with another flipity neckity!
This should do the job now. Grey is heading up top to finish Pitt with his shooting star (another flip, why not), but in comes Slater who pushes Pitt out the way and cops the shooting star to his spine instead… Now that’s a quality teammate! I wouldn’t have even pushed my missus out the way if it meant me having to take one of those.
Don’t look at me like that. She’s tough. She can take it.
Pitt’s up again and it looks like an F5 for Grey… but of course it’s not just a standard F5. It’s an F5 that sends Grey into another damn stratosphere. OF COURSE.
I stand and applaud with everyone else while wondering how in God’s name these 4 guys are still wrestling in Perth and not jet-setting to rings around the globe. This match was about 25 minutes long, and probably the most enjoyable 25 minutes of wrestling I’ve witnessed in a very long time.
I’m going to need a nap now.
PS. Intermission has been and gone and it’s been announced that these guys are having a rematch at Hot Summer’s Night in a ‘fans pick the stipulation’ match. Sweet lawd have mercy, surely that was as good as they have to give?? I jumped online after the announcement to vote (link here) and was not disappointed to see it’s a totally pointless and loaded vote:
Option 1 – Lumberjack match… yeah, nah.
Option 2 – Table match… Not bad, not bad. But I don’t really want to see these guys dance around a table for 20 minutes. I NEED something more.
Option 3 – 3 Stages of Hell… AWWWW YEAH!!! Now were talking!! 2/3 falls match with whatever the hell stipulations added into each fall for good measure… BRING. IT. ON!
After what I just witnessed in one fall, I can’t even imagine what these crazy cats will do in 3!! Sure the vote is loaded and a pretty weak attempt at fan interaction but who cares, this is going to be amazing!!!
Ticket to HSN: Booked.
PPS. Okay seriously, get on here and vote for the 3 Stages of Hell match. If everyone trolls EPW and Lumberjack wins, I am actually going to murder someone.
PPPS. For those of you unlucky enough to not have been able to witness this amazing match live, check out its incredible highlights video. It really doesn’t do the match justice since this match was literally a 25-minute highlight package all on its own, but the vid is still AWESOME and well worth a watch. Check it!
To watch the full match ReAwakening 16 is now available on EPW’s Vimeo Channel